“I turn back the whiskey again, and with every sip I think of her. That calm demeanor, antithesis of myself, and how she’s just…gone. How I’m still here, just looking for a reason to be – but isn’t everyone? Perhaps reasons to stay aren’t just handed out. Maybe you find them as you go, if your eyes are open, whether you’re looking or not.”

So, I have a read a lot of books in my time and I have to say that this is the most conflicted that I believe I have ever been when it has come to how I have felt about a book. There are parts that I would read that would make me feel – like REALLY feel – something, while other pages would leave me just utterly confused about what was going on.

There is so much to unload in this review because I want to thoroughly go into this one, so let me get right into it.

There are going to be spoilers ahead, so be prepared if you read past this point.

I am going to start with the negatives because there is so much that I loved about this book that I want you to leave this review with a good taste in your mouth because I do think that this book will be for A LOT of people.

So, my biggest gripe was the constant switching between dream/flashback scenarios. Sometimes these were italicized and sometimes they weren’t. It really took me out of the story when I would get to these points and I would constantly find myself having to turn back and ask “Is this happening or did it happen or is she thinking it happened?” It was a little frustrating and I had found myself struggling to keep the flow going.

I also felt the Bodachi turn a confuddled mess (which expands on what I said above). I had no real connection to him (or to Hannah for that matter, though I know she was important to Alice), so it really didn’t mean anything to me . I also have no idea how Hannah died. I reread that passage 4 times and still couldn’t figure out how she was killed. I believe that it was and the machete, but I can’t be certain. It wasn’t until after Bodachi was revealed to be dangerous and less than loving that we started to learn how much he truly cared for Alice and Hannah. I felt like it really cheapened it and I believe that, had we saw more glimpses of that prior, it would have meant more to me than it actually did.

My last real gripe was the whole blood withdrawing agreement. I have no idea why Hannah was giving her blood. I don’t know what the blood was used for. Yes, there was that dude who was transformed by it, but why? Is it a street drug? That was the vibe I got, but I couldn’t fully understand if that was the issue. If it was, why were they there to kill him because he was being sloppy? Why did Alice have to do it? Shouldn’t Hannah have done it if they were trying to keep this big secret? It was such an important plot point and I was left not knowing what was happening. Maybe I missed a line while I was trying to figure out if a scenario was a dream or a memory, if so; that is on me.

Okay, I hate focusing on negatives. Let’s talk about the things I did like about this book.

First of all: the vampires!

I fucking love vampires so much and there are so many different origins and ways to execute them and so many are done so phenomenally and this story is no exception. I love vampires that need to be invited in. I love vampires that have expanding jaws. I love vampires that can quickly, viciously and demonically crawl on walls like some sort of twisted Spider-man. These vampires check all those boxes.

Debatably my favorite vampire film – and my favorite coming of age film – is Let Me In. I’ve read the novel and seen the original film, but there is just something about the American remake that is just so magical and I think that it vastly superior to the other versions. The vampires in this book reminded me of Let Me In a considerable amount and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was an inspiration.

Another thing that I loved was Scott’s use of the English language. Some of his paragraphs drew me right in and gave me goosebumps, painting almost neo-classical art work within my brain. Some of it made me smile, while other passages filled me with such sadness.

Last year, I lost my best friend rather suddenly. It is still painful to this day, but I guess it gets easier. There were so many lines in this book – what I believe to be a metaphor for grief – that resonated with me on a spiritual level.

It was hard for me to rank this because, on one hand, this book spoke to my soul at times and I found the construction of the words so flawlessly beautiful, while on the next page I was struggling to piece together what the hell was going on.

All in all, I settled on right in the middle. I give this 3/5 stars.

I think if someone is looking to pick this book up, they shouldn’t take my word for it. I definitely think it’s worth at least one read. I feel like a lot of people will get thorough enjoyment out of it and that it just wasn’t for me.